I was in despair for the past couple years, wondering if I'll ever get to see this movie because I couldn't get hold of a copy aywhere.  Thankfully, a friend of mine who should be commended for her resourcefulness gave me a copy.  NBI should lick her flip-flop clad feet because she can find anything anywhere.  Anyway, now that I've finally seen it, I learned an important thing:

I SHOULD'VE REMAINED IN DESPAIR.

I have plenty of gripes for this godforsaken 119-minute movie.  That's one hour and nineteen minutes of my life that I couldn't get back.  Hell.  First off, there is no plot.  However, there is a lot of pouting, man-wrestling on the beach and awkward contemplations on life.  Pouting and lots of eye make up does NOT make a movie.  There was also an unveiling of a mural.  I ask myself, WHY?  How does this help me understand anything?

This flick is as confusing as the once-a-week "UKAY-UKAY" in Talisay.  What exactly was it? Yakuza movie? Vampire movie? A pile of dog turd? Who the fuck knew?  There was not enough crime and underworld immorality to make it an effective YAKUZA movie.  Certainly not enough vampirism to give me a freakin' heart attack.  There was even no vampire-hunts-the-mortal sort of thing you would usually encounter in any vampire stories.  I read a lot of Anne Rice and Kenyon so I could pretty much be considered a black-belter on this sort of thing. 

And what the hell is up with Kei? Don't want to get shot at because the bullet stings?  You're a blood-sucking immortal vampire, stop being a whiny bitch! There were only four vampire victims in the entire length of the film. What's wrong with these Japanese vampires anyway? Are they suffering from anorexia? First was Vampire Hunter D, then Alucard and now Kei?! Suck goddamned blood and reflect later!   

The movie does a lot of skipping as well.  We see the young Sho save the vampire and suddenly at the blink of the on-screen flash, they're older, getting shot at and stays in a semi-posh apartment.  Suddenly, there were tears and hugs and you get somewhat embarrassed.  By now you'd be wondering if they'd make out.  When they didn't, you get confused.  They only have one bed in the apartment anyway so this would make you wonder. Before you could recover, suddenly it was a 6 months later.  I'm all for fast-pacing but fuck! this is TOO much.  What the fuck happened in between all this time?  What? What?

Takahisa Zeze, the director of this piece of trash is originally of the Pink School of filmmaking .  And by Pink School, I meant PORN. So I should not be surprised if the movie is plot-less.  Hell, you don't need those in porn.  If you have a dick and a cunt, then you're all set.  It's really a pity because he could've done a lot of exploration on this film because it has an interesting concept.  I mean come on, a Vampire and a Yakuza?  It should kick ass!

Well, if Zeze thought he could make me sit through this entire shit because he got HYDE to play Kei, then HE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.  I watched the whole thing because of him, even if his character is an irritating whiny bitch.  Gackt was a disappointment though.  He can't act and his contacts irritates my eyes.  He looked like a deranged "MATRONA".  If the director had set to make the two JRock stars look quite terrible, he quite succeeded.

By the way, ZEZE, if you're going to give just one line to a character in your movie, please come up with something better than the ultimate CHEESY LINE:

"CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

Geez...I would not recommend this to anyone. Well, unless you're a fan of Hyde and Gackt.  Maybe you'd sacrifice a portion of your life just like me and watch this shit.  To paraphrase the badass Harry Callahan:

GO AHEAD, RUIN YOUR DAY!

Here's another HYDE to justify my stupidity...

Let me tell you of a major annoyance in my life lately: PEOPLE SENDING ME CHAIN MAILS OR POSTING BULLETINS TELLING ME TO PROVE I'M NOT ASHAMED OF LOVING JESUS CHRIST BY FORWARDING AND/OR POSTING THE SAID MESSAGES TO OTHER PEOPLE.
 

Well, boys and girls, whether or not I love Jesus Christ is between me and Jesus.  How I feel or not feel about Him should not matter to you.  As I've always said, I'm responsible for my own soul and if it ends up having dinner with Satan on Judgment Day, it should not be anyone's problem but mine.  Hell, I'm not even sure if I really do have a soul.  Besides, Preach Master J knows how I feel about Him; otherwise I would have serious doubts on His omnipotence.

 
But in the interest of satisfying the nosiness of the faithful, yes, I do love Jesus.  I mean, what's not to love?  First off, I'd give you the mother of all my reasons:  Jesus is hot.  Hes got long wavy hair, piercing dark eyes and a sexy goatee; not to mention the carpenter's body.  I've seen pictures of Baal, dude, and I'm telling you, he ain't much.  Alright, I admit, it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that Jesus looked like that, but there's no reason He wouldn't be.  If God could bestow those good looks on Travis Fimmel, why can't She do the same thing to Her Son?  Personally, I've always pictured Jesus looking like a rock star and God as a woman who had the brains a million times far, far superior than Marie Curie trapped inside a voluptuous Monica Bellucci.  And before you start praying for God to smite me, let me just remind you that there's really no evidence that God is a man and no, the Burning Bush doesn't count.  So I don't think there's any blasphemy going on here.

 Jesus is also compassionate, quite obviously smart and awfully handy in tight situations, like being caught with a heavy storm in the middle of the sea or when you ran out of food during your travels.  He could be relied upon to help you survive.  And with Jesus around, we'll never run out of wine.  Nothing but good times ahead.  Also, when the mood strikes Him, He gives free foot spa.  Ain't He the coolest?  So yeah, I love Him.  By the way, J.C. is not a wimp, contrary to popular opinion; just ask the money changers and the vendors outside the temple where He had a Holy Fit.  He's no shrinking violet, that's for sure.

 And what's causing my annoyance is not really the question but the fact that there is one.  Just 'cause I may be too lazy to post anything, does that automatically constitute as a lack of love for Jesus?  Or the fact that I have no load to send those messages to hundreds of people?  Duh, I doubt I even know sixty people, and that's with my enemies thrown in for the added count.  And just 'cause my Friendster said I have over a hundred friends, that doesn't mean I know all of them.  I was not known for my superb memory. 

 A different subject title deliberately written to entice you to open it is, boys and girls, a form of deception.  Look up deception in the dictionary, mi amorres, and you'll see that it's quite similar to a lie--- only with a different spelling.  I believe it's one of those things the Ten Commandments told us to thou shalt not do.  Next time you post something, think about it.  Are you really doing God a favor? Or were you doing it because it's expected of you?  Religiousness does not make a person better by default.  It's what you really do when no one is looking and it doesn't count.

 Please don't be so quick to judge other people who are not as vocal of their faith as you are.  Just because youve never seen the person kneel or move his/her lips in prayer or held a rosary, that doesn't mean he/she does not pray.  Just because he/she does not go to mass regularly that doesn't mean he/she isn't a believer of God or the Universal Goodness.   Remember:  God knows all and sees all.  Dont worry about us.  Between us and God, we have reached an understanding.